My mind is like a field of butterflies, I stand there, watch them flutter by, if only I could catch one. So many ideas, thoughts, so many constructions of the imagination, with no way to materialize them, or bring them to life, no way to share them with the world. Sometimes my thoughts feel trapped in a cell I call my head. If I could just somehow artistically bring them forth. There is so much to learn and to discover, so little time. Its overwhelming almost, how much there is yet to discover. I sometimes wish my brain could just absorb everything. Instead I take in book by book, movie by movie, song by song, situation by situation, conversation by conversation, what there is to learn from them. Slowly, painfully, I tread through the great library we call the universe.

My tattoos

I know topics on personal blogs aren't always that interesting, unless you are Charlie Sheen, or Oprah and follow the news and gossip. Today however I am writing a personal blog, that explains my tattoos. I always believed that I would only ever get a tattoo for something that I truly believed or was symbolic to me in some sort of way. Both tattoos were my ideas, the puzzle pieces however were drawn by someone else.

My first tattoo I got was summer of 2008. This tattoo I got at a very difficult time in my life. It is a phrase, which I felt like I lived each day, and even to this day it holds true. Of course this phrase has a double meaning. I also thought that the location, size and simplicity of the tattoo was important. This tattoo is in the middle of my upper back.

During this period in my life I was going through a lot, trying to deal with depression, stress, and a slew of other things. I felt very alone in the world, I felt that I couldn't count on anyone, even my friends and family, I felt like they had left me down. I felt that the only being I had left in this world was God. On the other hand, everything I do have is because of God, which means he embodies it all. So God is all I have. 

My second tattoo I got was late Fall of '09. I actually had class that day, but I felt like the world was crumbling under me. That semester, depression had taken over again. I felt I needed a way to get out all these feelings and some how dissipate this storm with in me, with out hurting myself. I had some thoughts on my next tattoo a few months before. I thought about my feelings, life, and all the pieces that complete my life. I thought to myself, life is pretty much a puzzle. One  whose pieces you must find and assemble.  The first aspect I thought, was that of God. Spirituality has always been a big thing in my life, it is my hope. Today I do call myself a Christian. So not only does the cross represent God or something bigger than me, but it represents the search for my path or what God put me on this earth to do. Love and relationships were another part of the circle of life and something that is important to me. I also wanted to represent my love for this world. A heart would fulfill this idea. The next thing that was important to me is self growth and identity. Finding out who I truly am and giving that to the world, I am the only one of me. I thought of what symbols can represent identity, I thought of finger prints, but those were to small to depict in a tattoo, the next best thing was a hand print, so that would also be included on my tattoo. One thing I have often felt in my life is emptiness, it could be emptiness in relationships, jobs, life in general; it could feel as if there is something missing. I decided to draw two figures, one is a man, who is filled in, and next to him is a woman, who is not filled with color. This represents the fulfillment of that emptiness with in. It also represents man and woman, good and evil, a yin and yang sort of way. The last piece of the puzzle has the icon of a smiley face. Accomplishing or fulfill all those other things represented by the other pieces of the puzzle will lead to the piece that completes the puzzle, the ultimate goal, happiness.

Each piece actually fits perfect with all the other pieces, if they were to be cut out and put together. This tattoo covers most of my forearm.

Left and Right

Negative perceptions of the word left include anarchy, feelings that are out of conscious, bad immoral and dangerous, where as the right is expressed more favorably with reference to what is good, trustworthy, moral and proper. If looked up in the dictionary, synonyms for left handed, according to dictionary.com include: clumsy, awkward, sinister, insincere, and synonyms for right handed include:correct, indispensable, dexter, good, and moral. These associations however are intentional. A Bias towards the right specifically with that to handedness, and how the world makes use of it as a comparison, can be attributed to several things.

In the book Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain, Betty Edwards provides us with some insight into how this use of comparison and preference for the right came about. Edwards first comments on different languages and how doubtlessly left and right are so. The Latin word for left is, sinister, meaning bad, whereas the Latin word for right is, dexter meaning dexterity, skill, adroitness. On a side note, I wonder if this is the reason they gave the protagonist in the tv show of the blood spatter analyst the name of Dexter. Dexter one would say kills with skill, preciseness, always planned, yet ironically enough, he follows a specific code, one in which we empathize with him, for trying to right the wrong. Not saying that what he does is right, that's a different topic up for debate. It can be interpreted this way however. French is another language in which the word right is expressed favorably over left. In French, the word for left is: gauche, which means awkward. The French word for right is droit, meaning good, just and proper. In English, the Anglo- Saxon lyft, means weak, worthless, and also meant as a reflection of lack of moral strength. This defamatory use of left, is clearly a reflection of a right handed majority, shunning the difference of those who are left-handed and reinforces the bias for reht meaning right and just (pg 36-37)

Not only through the use of language is this bias or comparison seen. Edwards further comments on how some 19^th century discoveries including that of Jerre Levy, have come to express preference of the hemisphere responsible for language, logic, and responsible for the right side of our body. Jerre Levy, in his studies, found that the left hemisphere (dominates right side of body) is responsible for analyzing, abstraction, counting. It is the hemisphere that marks the time, plans step by step procedures, is responsible for verbalization, and makes use of rationale based on logic. The right hemisphere of the brain is imaginary, things exist only in the minds eye. It is with this hemisphere that we understand metaphors, the hemisphere with which we dream, new combination of ideas is created with the right hemisphere. We understand space and relational ideas and can create a whole; in other words the right side is responsible for the non verbal and global. Given the importance of language to our species, the left hemisphere, which is responsible for the right side of the body, was therefore named the dominant, leading or the major hemisphere of the brain. Let me reiterate here; the left side of the brain controls the right side of the body.

In many cultures, right handedness is practiced. Not only are kids retaught to write with their right hands if expressing left-handedness, but this preference can also be seen even in the way people eat. In some cultures it is proper etiquette to eat with the right hand. Politics is another realm in which the left and right comparison is used. In politics for example, the right wing approves of national power, it is conservative and resist change, left wingers advocate individual autonomy and promote change. Another example is how we shake hands, we use the right hand to shake. The way we express comparison sometimes makes reference to left and right, “on the one hand....., but on the other hand...” is a common expression used in our language.

The following table makes use of this comparison. It shows the parallel ways of knowing. The whole chart can be found on pg 37 in Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain.

intellect	intuition
convergent	divergent
digital	analogic
secondary	primary
abstract	concrete
directed	free
propositional	imaginative
analytical	relational

Further explaining the two hemispheres, Edwards informs us that these two hemispheres work with each other, each doing their part, doing what each is good at, often times however the left hemisphere (the logical and verbal part), will dominate the other half and the other hemisphere follows. It is not necessarily bad that one hemisphere dominates at times, but it is important however that each is allowed to perform the job it was made for, and that one hemisphere not try to do the job of the other, knowingly that the other hemisphere may be better at that specific job. Edwards explains it this way:

“These terms must have been made up by some person's left hemisphere; the left hemisphere calling the right hemisphere bad names, the right brain labeled, pin pointed and buttonholed was with out language of its own to defend itself.” Edwards p 37

As I mentioned in a previous blog, I am trying to teach myself how to draw, and in reading the book Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain, I came across the idea of accessing the right side of the brain. In accessing the right side of the brain or the non dominant side of the brain, we can perceive things more globally and in space, allowing us to draw more accurately for better lack of the word. It allows us to truly understand the different dimensions and allows us to make use of the side that is needed for drawing.

Side note:

If we think about it, even to this day there is preference given for the right side. Consider computer labs and other public areas, most of the time they are designed for right handedness. If you go to a computer lab, most likely the mice will be on the right side. It is easier to find right handed items such as scissors, guitars or what have you. Yes it is easier to access some of these items, now a days but those who are left handed, are the ones who have to go out of their way to change the settings of items, or to get an item specifically designed for lefties. Right is seen as the default, or the normal based on the majority of a population being right handed.

Except for the side notes, most of these ideas and information is taken from: The New Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain, by Betty Edwards , 1999

Drawings

An ability that I always wished I had is drawing and painting. I am not good at either one however. I just always considered myself a bad artist and with no talent what soever for art. Anyway, I decided to teach my self to draw, by just trial and error. I picked up a book called Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain, by Betty Edwards hopefully7 I can pick up some pointers, and well just pick it up I guess. I think the way we see an object or the subject to be depicted, really matters. How we see something, really matters to how we draw something. The space relationship must be considered, proportion, shadow, etc. Anyway, here are my first drawings, even if my drawing doesn't get better, I'm sure these drawings will at least get some hahas. 

day 1 of drawings

rEtEnTiOn

Like the wind crying endlessly through the universe, Time carries away the names and the deeds of conquerors and commoners alike. And all that we are, all that remains, is in the memories of those who cared we came this way for a brief moment. ~ Harlan Ellison

What would life be like if we could remember every single event in our life, every single day, every single minute. What would it be like if we could entertain every single thought or idea or image that appears in our vision and our imagination. Would this type of retention be a good thing or a bad thing?

Image found at: http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSvMJ3kPrYfFOWXsArWH-7tIOB_wRG4lQRWqzpAMNrU-T-EImFi&t=1

History is not a burden on the memory but an illumination of the soul. ~ John emerich Edward Adlberg Acton

When it comes to memories, we already selectively choose what we want to remember and repress those memories that haunt us, my guess is that its good that we don't remember everything. I think that if people remembered everything, people would be more inclined to be nice to each other, or it could be that people may hold grudges more often, it can go either way. Memories are such a great thing, they allow us to travel back into time, and relive those magic moments. I think that we can view memory as a defense mechanism. We remember the pain, we remember when we feel good, the love, whats amazing to our taste buds, and anything that moves us. Memory can help keep us safe. We are reminded of times maybe that we may have faced a similar situation, but now we can take a different route, and explore other options. Say you had an experience where you burned yourself while cooking, memories allow us to reflect on these events and allow us to be more cautious. Memory, what a great thing, the ability to place us somewhere, without physically being there. Memory is a mechanism that allows us to make connections with other beings. Sharing experiences and being able to look back, whether memories are good or bad, nonetheless it is a shared moment in time, that will always link you in some sort of sense with those who share in your memory.

Memory is good because it allows us to learn. Memory is a drive that allows us to relive moments in which we felt great, brave, honest, beautiful and so it gives us courage and a feeling of happiness, knowing that if we once achieved a particular thing, if we once felt that happiness, or beauty, then it can be felt again; finding that may be difficult, but knowing that it is possible, can give us great relief.

A man at work, making something which he feels will exist because he is working at it and will it, is exercising the energies of his mind and soul as well as of his body. Memory and imagination help him as he works. ~ William Morris

One thing I enjoy doing is recording, myself or others, just doing ordinary things. It is so cool being able to look back, and see our actions, emotions and ourselves in action.

What about thought and ideas, , what if we could retain every single though we ever have, what if we had some sort of device in our body that kept record of all our thoughts and ideas, and there would be some sort of engine through which we could search our ideas and thoughts. After all, humans are like libraries, full of knowledge, in various subjects, and different parts of life. Our minds are galleries that hold vivid images of people, art, and anything that can be seen with both the human eye and the imagination. 

click to englarge

 Image found at: http://www.austinkleon.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/memories_map_500px.gif

Friendship

Friend defined by dictionary.com is: a person known well to another and regarded with liking, affection, and loyalty. Friend is a word with Germanic origin. Freond, is the present participle of freon, which means to love. The root of the verb was ‘fri-’ which meant ‘to like, love, or be affectionate to (suite 101.com). Friend is a word that has stayed true to its original meaning, yet its overuse in our lexicon has diluted its meaning. Friendship is a very special relationship because one has choice over this type of relationship. One cannot choose their parents, brothers or sisters, yet, we can pick our friends. Friendship is also different in that it is reciprocal. In order for the friendship to work, both parties are responsible for its growth and maintenance. It is important to know who are friends are and be thankful for them, for they are a blessing. 

“It is mutual respect which makes friendship lasting.” ~ John Henry Newman 

 

A good friendship requires trust and loyalty. It is important to keep ones promises, and to be able to be counted on. Friends can be of many sorts. They can be different from us in race, gender, physical ability, sexual preference, social economic status, education level or age. I have been lucky enough to have friends of all walks of life. My friendship with different people has taught me so much. It has broaden my understanding of the world and other cultures, other societies and mentalities.

“Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” ~ Proverbs 27:6

It is important however to choose our friends wisely. I have observed that a common element among my friends is that they have a drive for becoming better people. They are good people who try and do what is right, in their life. They are kind, generous, and willing to help some one in need. A good friend will always tell you the truth, even if its painful. A good friend not only rejoices with you but will share your pains. A friend offers help even before you ask. Friends make us feel good about ourselves; they can make make us laugh, make us cry, and move us in so many ways. Friends are like little rays of sunshine, they warm our hearts and they warm our souls. A friendship is enlightening.

Don't take your friends for granted! I look back at various points in my life, where I wish I had been a better friend. One lesson I learned is: don't put your friendship with others on the back burner when you enter new relationships.

To all those I call friends, I am thankful for your friendship. I am glad you were all part of my life. I apologize if I ever did you wrong, and hope that our friendship continues to grow.

When was the last time you told a friend how much you appreciate them?

Image taken from Cherrybam.com

Not ready to clock out yet

Minutes turn to hours, hours to days and days into weeks. Stuck on an island waiting to be rescued. Waiting to live, waiting to die, waiting for a sign, waiting till hope runs out. There are times I feel spiritually weak. It is difficult to always put on a front, I cannot always be strong.. I grow weaker as time passes. Hope sometimes dwindles to a mere thread which my life hangs by. I wish at times that I was an eagle, or any other simple mind; no moral dilemmas, not much to strive for, your goal; to pass on your genes. Humans on the other hand are so complex; emotions, spiritually, hope, morality, a need for accomplishment. How is it that a person can have so much, yet be so tormented? Same token; how is it that those who are completely devastated and have nothing to lose, how can they know God? How can they know hope? I grow more tired each day, this journey is long, and winding, I cannot see the light, I cannot see the end. To reduce life to mere existence, how devastating.

Dear Lord, please just throw me a bone, give me a hint, give me something. God I lack not hope but courage. That thread of hope by which my life hangs, is a lot stronger than you would know, so please send no more hope; I would appreciate however if you send some courage. God, also please take this world back, its too heavy for me to carry. I don't want to be strong anymore, please teach me to ask for help. The human soul is a heavy and ruthless animal, one that must be treated with care, and respect. The human soul however is also delicate like glass,and easily shattered. Like stained glass however, beautiful with all its colors, should be shared with others. One alone cannot bear the pain.

Loosen up. Don't you have some people to hug, rocks to skip, or lips to kiss?... Someday you are going to retire, why not today? Not retire from your job, just retire from your attitude. Honestly, has complaining ever made the day better? has grumbling ever paid the bills? Has worrying about tomorrow ever changed it? Let someone else run the world for a while. ~ Everyday Blessings, Max Lucado