No preaching

Before I post any further blogs, I would like to remind my readers of the purpose of my blog. Sometimes I feel a sense of arrogance or even righteousness in what I am expressing, my thoughts ideas or beliefs, this however is not intentional. I apologize for any haughty overtones that may be interpreted in my writing. My message is sometimes presented as an imperative, or even as urging advice. I would ask my readers that in reading my posts they keep their minds open, read with imagination but also with a discerning eye. Sometimes I try to convey more than one thing in my writing, sometimes it is layered. I also noticed that my posts lately have been religion or faith based. I am not here for the purpose of proselytizing, if in my writing it incites one to delve into their religion or Christianity, then good for them. As a Christian I know that we must share the word of the Lord and in a sense be missionaries. I am a growing Christian, and I have much to learn. I am not prepared yet to proselytize. I am here however to share my journey with you as a person who is is cultivating the soul. I post things that are important to me, things that stir me, things I wonder about, things that are beautiful. I try and share my love of learning, and this world with others. Right now this blog is my choice of medium for my art. I would hope that my writing not only helps me reflect on my thoughts and the world, but that it may also give something back to the reader. I realized that I felt a sense of pretense or a feeling as if I was preaching when I started thinking about the things I write about. It is easy to talk the talk but can I walk the walk? I can post my ideas and how I believe things should be approached, my only concern is that I must practice what I proclaim. In a sense I sometimes get scared that one day I may fail when the Lord puts me to the test. This feeling can be understood in reading Job. The reason for my mentioning of Job is that Job, is a person in the Bible, who was blameless and upright in the Lords eye. Job was blessed. Satan however went to the Lord and said, if the Lord were to instill fear in him and take all he has, that he would surely curse God. The Lord then said to Satan, everything is in your hands but do not lay a finger on the man himself. “Naked I cam from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised (Job, 1:20). Job endured yet a second test, the angels and Satan came to God. God spoke to Satan you incited me to ruin him without reason, yet he is still blameless and upright and shuns evil. Satan then replied, “a man will give all he has for his own life. But Stretch out your hand and strike his flesh and bones , and he will surely curse you to your face.” Job 2:4 the Lord then replied to Satan, “very well then he is in your hands, but you must spare his life.” So Satan went on and caused Job all sorts of pain. Still he did not curse the Lord, but the day he was born. Jobs friends tried to reason with him and make him confess his sin. They believed that there had to be reason why he had been such misfortune. They failed to acknowledge that suffering does not always serve the purpose of punishment, and therefore upright people, innocent people too suffer. Where Job did sin however is in his self righteousness, in refusing to accept that harm happens even to good people, and challenging God for doing what he did. God is almighty and powerful. A creation, cannot be more pure than its creator. For reasons unknown to us, for reasons we cannot understand, things are done for a reason, and our comprehension cannot encompass Gods reasoning in his actions. What is to be taken from this then is that I hope that the day I am put to the test, I hope my faith will be strong. That I may remember that I am blessed, because “blessed are the poor in spirit, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to them.... blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness, blessed are the meek, blessed are the merciful (Matthew 5:1-13). So as a reader I only ask of you one thing, to read, reflect, and if anything moves you, whether you agree or disagree, to please share with me your thoughts. I have an appreciation for dialogue, and when people express their ideas or beliefs and back them up with reason, logic, a story or even the heart, it allows us all to learn a bit more about this world. I am not here to preach, even thought I have considered ministry, I am not here to advise you on things; as I said I am on a spiritual journey and taking time to care for the soul, I merely share my thoughts and ideas with the audience for the sake of self refection, dialogue and that if a reader can ever relate, may they find some comfort in my words.

A prayer for a stranger

One question that has been asked by many, and something I still struggle with is the idea of why God lets bad things happen. I wrote a previous blog on this subject, and showed the Tom Honey video. I still don't have a definite answer. One thing I would argue however is that we brought on ourselves all these problems, wars, disease etc. Why is it that we are always quick to look for scapegoat, or find some other reason for our mishaps? It is easier to blame and question God than to take action. What have we done instead to try and fix these world problems, what have you done?

Selfishness in my view is the reason for many of our problems. The other day while watching “The Stoning of Sorya,” I began to think. It isn't fair, that some people are born to certain families, culture and religion. Some may even argue that those people are at fault because they are not believers of Christ, and for those that think Christianity is the “right” religion may be quick to respond, that they are practicing the wrong religion. But honestly lets ask ourselves, what about those that don't have the opportunity to hear about Jesus, what about those that have no choice but to be enslaved to their culture, beliefs, social norms, and religions? I cannot reconcile the fact that those who know the difference between good and bad and are morally strong and who believe in something other greater than themselves, and who are selfless, will go to hell.

So how do we rid ourselves of all the corruption in the world, all the wrong, pain and suffering. I do not have an immediate solution. I do know however that we can pray. Have you ever tried praying for someone else? Have you ever tried praying for someone you don't know? I don't know about you, but I find it a bit challenging to pray honestly and and unselfishly for others. It is easy to pray for someone we know, we pray for them because not only may it benefit them, but it benefits us. We want to see those we love and care about happy. I would like to challenge you to pray for someone who is not related to you, someone who is not a friend, pray for a complete stranger. Don't just mutter out words and ask for something but truly want and ask for what you think someone may need. For those who are Christians, I challenge you to pray for non believers, to pray that they have the opportunity to hear of Jesus Christ, to pray that we have the strength to share the Lord's word with others, and share his love.

Lord please give us the wisdom, the strength and the love to communicate and share your word and love with others. Give us the opportunity to fix the wrong in this world, to ease the pain. We pray for those that are destitute, those that don't know you, those that don't believe in anything but themselves. Help them look beyond religion, culture, tradition, and may you restore a heart that reaches out to humanity, may their hearts be filled with your love, rather than a mind with the idea that their religion is better than any another religion or that their God is the right God. In the end, we know that you are God almighty, and whether they call you by the name of Allah, the Buddha, Chrishna, vishnu, or Shiva, or any other religious or spiritual figure, I know that you are up their, and for those that believe in right and wrong for those that reach out to their fellow human, even if practicing some other religion other than Christianity they too will be given the opportunity to get to know you Lord, and they too will have a chance for redemption. I refuse to believe that just because a person is a Muslim or any other religion, that he is going to go to hell. If you are a God of love, and fairness, then you will watch over your children. You will guide us and instruct us. Lord there are still good people left on this Earth, please be patient with us. For those of us that know you are up there, I ask you to give us guidance, strength, wisdom, love, and patience to help change this world, Amen.

How were we made in the image of God?

And God said, let us mmake man in our image, after our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth , and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon earth. So God created man in his [own] image, in image of God created he him; male and female, created he them. Genesis 1:26-27 KJV

I was reading the bible yesterday, and a thought came to mind. I wanted to understand how is it that God made us in his image. In what way are we like God. Are we like him, physically? That can't be, he is not made of matter like we are. Could it be intellectually, well he is all knowing, we are not. He is all powerful, we are not. I am trying to understand how is it that We are like God, if we are sinners, and crave knowledge and power that we don't have?

The best answer I can come up with was that we were made in his image in that we have dominion over other animals. We have more knowledge, wisdom, a wider range of emotions, can entertain more than one thought or feeling at a time. Also we serve a specific purpose. So God rules over us, knows more than us, and can entertain all those different feelings, he also has purpose and that is to rule over us.

The other thing to consider is what about the tree of knowledge. We can say, well we were like God, up until the we were tempted and ate from that tree of knowledge. But if we ate from it, we either one did not have the knowledge and craved it, or two we were not strong enough like God to resist temptation, so again, how is it that we were made in his image. I know that maybe this is over-analyzing something, and maybe I'm generalizing too much, but I am just trying to understand, how it is we are like him, and take that and learn, so that we can be better people, better children of God.

If any one has any comments, or ideas, I would love to hear them.

painted smiles

Depression, loneliness, neediness, how we view these is relative. These are feelings that should be embraced, rather than rejected. I am bothered by the fact that our society quickly jumps to try and “fix” what necessarily may not be broken. Our society thinks that it is wrong or that it is bad if you feel sad, depressed, are needy, or take any other quality that we may see as negative. Our view of psychology has become so shallow. We forget that when it comes to matters of the soul and the psyche,there is no quick fix, or band aid to be placed over the wound. Often times there isn't anything to fix. A mere observation of our physical body, its ailments, and observation of our feelings, can give us much insight into what is needed. I have been reading Thomas Moore's, Care of the soul. I would really recommend this book to any one who wishes to care for their body, their soul and their overall well being.

There have been many days when I felt as if I had to paint on a smile everyday, because I could not show my true face, my true feelings, I didn't think it was right to show my sadness. One thing I learned from this book however, is that it is important that we take time to feel these feelings, even the negative ones. We must not cover them up or try to fix them, but spending some time in feeling them, may just be what is needed. A gust of melancholy is good every now and then. These feelings, help us understand how we can care for ourselves. It is ok to feel depressed. The question then is not what can I do to get rid of this depression, rather what is causing this sadness. Take time to analyze your feelings, and take time to feel them. In a similar vein, is the idea of spirituality. For those that believe in God, sometimes its hard to feel his presence, we may feel that he has left us, or may not listen to our prayers. I think it is important to feel this emptiness or loneliness at time, because only when we feel these can we truly feel his presence, and can our faith truly grow. Take Mother Teresa for example, for a big part of her life she struggled with her faith. She felt abandoned by God. Yet we view Mother Teresa as someone who is holy, and have even started the process of sanctification. Some one who dedicated her life to tend to the sick and the destitute, tell me how can one not feel abandoned, hurt and alone, being surrounded by suffering, disease, hunger etc.

Lets embrace what we call negative feelings, we must not forget that there needs to be a balance. We cannot feel happiness unless we know what suffering is.

My mind is like a field of butterflies, I stand there, watch them flutter by, if only I could catch one. So many ideas, thoughts, so many constructions of the imagination, with no way to materialize them, or bring them to life, no way to share them with the world. Sometimes my thoughts feel trapped in a cell I call my head. If I could just somehow artistically bring them forth. There is so much to learn and to discover, so little time. Its overwhelming almost, how much there is yet to discover. I sometimes wish my brain could just absorb everything. Instead I take in book by book, movie by movie, song by song, situation by situation, conversation by conversation, what there is to learn from them. Slowly, painfully, I tread through the great library we call the universe.

My tattoos

I know topics on personal blogs aren't always that interesting, unless you are Charlie Sheen, or Oprah and follow the news and gossip. Today however I am writing a personal blog, that explains my tattoos. I always believed that I would only ever get a tattoo for something that I truly believed or was symbolic to me in some sort of way. Both tattoos were my ideas, the puzzle pieces however were drawn by someone else.

My first tattoo I got was summer of 2008. This tattoo I got at a very difficult time in my life. It is a phrase, which I felt like I lived each day, and even to this day it holds true. Of course this phrase has a double meaning. I also thought that the location, size and simplicity of the tattoo was important. This tattoo is in the middle of my upper back.

During this period in my life I was going through a lot, trying to deal with depression, stress, and a slew of other things. I felt very alone in the world, I felt that I couldn't count on anyone, even my friends and family, I felt like they had left me down. I felt that the only being I had left in this world was God. On the other hand, everything I do have is because of God, which means he embodies it all. So God is all I have. 

My second tattoo I got was late Fall of '09. I actually had class that day, but I felt like the world was crumbling under me. That semester, depression had taken over again. I felt I needed a way to get out all these feelings and some how dissipate this storm with in me, with out hurting myself. I had some thoughts on my next tattoo a few months before. I thought about my feelings, life, and all the pieces that complete my life. I thought to myself, life is pretty much a puzzle. One  whose pieces you must find and assemble.  The first aspect I thought, was that of God. Spirituality has always been a big thing in my life, it is my hope. Today I do call myself a Christian. So not only does the cross represent God or something bigger than me, but it represents the search for my path or what God put me on this earth to do. Love and relationships were another part of the circle of life and something that is important to me. I also wanted to represent my love for this world. A heart would fulfill this idea. The next thing that was important to me is self growth and identity. Finding out who I truly am and giving that to the world, I am the only one of me. I thought of what symbols can represent identity, I thought of finger prints, but those were to small to depict in a tattoo, the next best thing was a hand print, so that would also be included on my tattoo. One thing I have often felt in my life is emptiness, it could be emptiness in relationships, jobs, life in general; it could feel as if there is something missing. I decided to draw two figures, one is a man, who is filled in, and next to him is a woman, who is not filled with color. This represents the fulfillment of that emptiness with in. It also represents man and woman, good and evil, a yin and yang sort of way. The last piece of the puzzle has the icon of a smiley face. Accomplishing or fulfill all those other things represented by the other pieces of the puzzle will lead to the piece that completes the puzzle, the ultimate goal, happiness.

Each piece actually fits perfect with all the other pieces, if they were to be cut out and put together. This tattoo covers most of my forearm.

Left and Right

Negative perceptions of the word left include anarchy, feelings that are out of conscious, bad immoral and dangerous, where as the right is expressed more favorably with reference to what is good, trustworthy, moral and proper. If looked up in the dictionary, synonyms for left handed, according to dictionary.com include: clumsy, awkward, sinister, insincere, and synonyms for right handed include:correct, indispensable, dexter, good, and moral. These associations however are intentional. A Bias towards the right specifically with that to handedness, and how the world makes use of it as a comparison, can be attributed to several things.

In the book Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain, Betty Edwards provides us with some insight into how this use of comparison and preference for the right came about. Edwards first comments on different languages and how doubtlessly left and right are so. The Latin word for left is, sinister, meaning bad, whereas the Latin word for right is, dexter meaning dexterity, skill, adroitness. On a side note, I wonder if this is the reason they gave the protagonist in the tv show of the blood spatter analyst the name of Dexter. Dexter one would say kills with skill, preciseness, always planned, yet ironically enough, he follows a specific code, one in which we empathize with him, for trying to right the wrong. Not saying that what he does is right, that's a different topic up for debate. It can be interpreted this way however. French is another language in which the word right is expressed favorably over left. In French, the word for left is: gauche, which means awkward. The French word for right is droit, meaning good, just and proper. In English, the Anglo- Saxon lyft, means weak, worthless, and also meant as a reflection of lack of moral strength. This defamatory use of left, is clearly a reflection of a right handed majority, shunning the difference of those who are left-handed and reinforces the bias for reht meaning right and just (pg 36-37)

Not only through the use of language is this bias or comparison seen. Edwards further comments on how some 19^th century discoveries including that of Jerre Levy, have come to express preference of the hemisphere responsible for language, logic, and responsible for the right side of our body. Jerre Levy, in his studies, found that the left hemisphere (dominates right side of body) is responsible for analyzing, abstraction, counting. It is the hemisphere that marks the time, plans step by step procedures, is responsible for verbalization, and makes use of rationale based on logic. The right hemisphere of the brain is imaginary, things exist only in the minds eye. It is with this hemisphere that we understand metaphors, the hemisphere with which we dream, new combination of ideas is created with the right hemisphere. We understand space and relational ideas and can create a whole; in other words the right side is responsible for the non verbal and global. Given the importance of language to our species, the left hemisphere, which is responsible for the right side of the body, was therefore named the dominant, leading or the major hemisphere of the brain. Let me reiterate here; the left side of the brain controls the right side of the body.

In many cultures, right handedness is practiced. Not only are kids retaught to write with their right hands if expressing left-handedness, but this preference can also be seen even in the way people eat. In some cultures it is proper etiquette to eat with the right hand. Politics is another realm in which the left and right comparison is used. In politics for example, the right wing approves of national power, it is conservative and resist change, left wingers advocate individual autonomy and promote change. Another example is how we shake hands, we use the right hand to shake. The way we express comparison sometimes makes reference to left and right, “on the one hand....., but on the other hand...” is a common expression used in our language.

The following table makes use of this comparison. It shows the parallel ways of knowing. The whole chart can be found on pg 37 in Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain.

intellect	intuition
convergent	divergent
digital	analogic
secondary	primary
abstract	concrete
directed	free
propositional	imaginative
analytical	relational

Further explaining the two hemispheres, Edwards informs us that these two hemispheres work with each other, each doing their part, doing what each is good at, often times however the left hemisphere (the logical and verbal part), will dominate the other half and the other hemisphere follows. It is not necessarily bad that one hemisphere dominates at times, but it is important however that each is allowed to perform the job it was made for, and that one hemisphere not try to do the job of the other, knowingly that the other hemisphere may be better at that specific job. Edwards explains it this way:

“These terms must have been made up by some person's left hemisphere; the left hemisphere calling the right hemisphere bad names, the right brain labeled, pin pointed and buttonholed was with out language of its own to defend itself.” Edwards p 37

As I mentioned in a previous blog, I am trying to teach myself how to draw, and in reading the book Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain, I came across the idea of accessing the right side of the brain. In accessing the right side of the brain or the non dominant side of the brain, we can perceive things more globally and in space, allowing us to draw more accurately for better lack of the word. It allows us to truly understand the different dimensions and allows us to make use of the side that is needed for drawing.

Side note:

If we think about it, even to this day there is preference given for the right side. Consider computer labs and other public areas, most of the time they are designed for right handedness. If you go to a computer lab, most likely the mice will be on the right side. It is easier to find right handed items such as scissors, guitars or what have you. Yes it is easier to access some of these items, now a days but those who are left handed, are the ones who have to go out of their way to change the settings of items, or to get an item specifically designed for lefties. Right is seen as the default, or the normal based on the majority of a population being right handed.

Except for the side notes, most of these ideas and information is taken from: The New Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain, by Betty Edwards , 1999